Pros and Cons of Chronic Insomnia

If you're a "Glass half full" kinda person you could probably call me a "night owl". If you're a "Glass half empty" kinda person, or even perhaps a realist ("Yep, there is water in this glass.") you could say I'm a "chronic insomniac, bordering on psychotic." I hate going to sleep at night- it really takes EFFORT on my part. Sometimes it takes me hours. Sometimes I fall asleep easily, but then something wakes me up like a crying baby or a single snowflake landing on a window pane 3 houses over and BAM! I'm awake. For houuurrrrrsssss.

This is not a new thing. I've been this way for YEARS. I don't complain about a lack of sleep from my newborn babies as much as some other moms I know because, hello, a newborn baby is an excuse to get up and watch an episode of "Friends" at 4 am.

Currently writing this at 2:23 am because WHY NOT! (Answers include: because your children will need a competent caregiver in a few hours, because human bodies need sleep to live, and simply 'because it's weird, ya nutjob!')

Pros and Cons of Chronic Insomnia

Pro: Happy family moments of the day are replayed in my head and feel very satisfying when I relive them like a blissful mental slideshow. Also, funny stuff is funnier the more I replay it in my head at ungodly hours of the night.

Con: Embarrassing stuff is more embarrassing the more I replay it in my head. I can still remember and recite awkward conversations I had and bizarro things I did at age 12 and they get WORSE over the years and sometimes at 3 am it all feels so humiliating at hopeless that I start googling how to enlist myself in the Navy and start a new life at sea.

Pro: At 3 am, no one expects anything of you. You can (and should?) just lie there and stare at the ceiling and no one is going to judge you for not being productive. I don't like pressure to do stuff. (As a side note, "pressure to have fun" is the reason I hate my birthday, and most holidays.) I love doing nothing, and feeling great about it.

Con: When it's 7 am and lots of people suddenly expect things of you, iiiiiiiit's gonna be rough.

Pro: No pants. Great time to ponder the complexities of life and the universe.

Con: This makes it so that sometimes during the day if I'm really trying to think something through, I have an urge to remove my pants. For the clarity.

Pro: Everyone else is sleeping. Babies look angelic, dog looks cute, husband's snoring is like a soothing white noise machine. You get to be with the people you love, without them doing annoying things like talking to you.

Con: Sometimes when I think everyone is asleep I glance over at the dog and his eyes are wide open staring at me from across the room and it scares the bajeebers out of me. YES, the BAJEEBERS I said.

Pro: Some of my best ideas come to me in the middle of the night. And I swear I think faster than during the day.

Con: Yep,  I definitely think faster than during the day. Lightyears faster. And usually they are stupid  ideas and I wake up to find I have already published them on the internet for all of my friends, and family, and extended family, and husband's extended family, and husband's coworkers to see.

Con: Counting sheep is not a thing. Can we just, clear that up? It's nothing.

Pro: You know what does help? Trying to remember lyrics to N*Sync songs. (I just spent 4 minutes searching my keyboard for the "*" symbol so I hope you all understand the sacrifices I put into writing you a quality blog post.) I can run through "Tearin' Up My Heart",  and "Bye Bye Bye" and then zonk out half way through "It's Gonna be Me." If the corners of your brain are not filled with  Boy Band songs from 1998 because you are actually a worthwhile human being and contributing member of society, you can use any type of mundane memorized information to lull your brain into sleep. Like, maybe recite your multiplication tables or something. I tried to do that once and it just reminded me of those little minute long multiplication tests we had to take in elementary school where you'd do as many questions as you could in one minute and how much they used to stress me out. So intense! Can I just confess that I cheated on those EVERY time? And I am NOT a cheater. I consider cheating immoral. I never cheated on a test except for every minute multiplication quiz I ever took. Because my brain froze up and I knew I knew the answers but I couldn't access them under so much pressure so I HAD to cheat. I HAD to. If this ever gets back to my 3rd grade teacher I am truly sorry that I cheated. But you gotta understand that is too much pressure for a little girl, especially a little girl who hates math, and especially a little girl who hates math and has generalized anxiety disorder! I cant turn in a blank sheet of paper at the end of the minute because of a panic attack, now can I? What was my third grade teacher's name anyway? Why can't I remember? I'm super duper bad with childhood memories- I have very few and I don't know why. Most of my childhood is like this weird foggy dream with random super eerily clear snapshot memories, oh like those traumatizing multiplication tests. Minute madness- That what we called them. Madness indeed. GAAAAH, MY BRAIN. Do you see why I stick to reciting N*Sync lyrics?

Con: It can sometimes be boring to be awake for hours and hours while all of humanity is sleeping.

Pro: Someone invented the internet. Thanks, Al Gore!

If you ever wake up in the middle of the night and you go on facebook and there is some weirdo online posting random stuff...

Guess what (guess what!)....