Crochet WHAT!?

I crochet things. Like baby blankets and hats and scarves and stuffed Yoshis. I find it soothing- which, when my anxious little spazoid brain is able to find some quiet solace in some activity I GRAB ON AND DON'T LET GO. It gives me something to do while I watch reruns of The Office for the 50th time, it keeps my mind from wandering to all the terrible things that are probably going to happen to me any secoooond, and it keeps me from wearing down my iPhone battery playing Candy Crush too much. Win/Win/Win

Sometimes, I like the stuff I make. Sometimes, it's meh. I'm still learning, and I love trying out new patterns. In my explorations of the interweb's vast crochet archives I have found some seriously cute things I must make right now, and some reeeeally ugly things. (Which I also must make right now.)

I submit, for your consideration, this lovely specimen.

For the lonely spinster who fancies herself an elven princess as well. This outfit really makes a statement that you have unlimited access to yarn and free time.

But...nothing says "lonely spinster" like this beaut:

There are all kinds of crocheted cat hats out there. This is a cat who is for SURE going to eat your corpse after you die alone in your apartment. Look at that face, he's thinking about it riiiiight now. That's the stuff.

Speaking of pets who want to kill their weird owners:

Man... if only I had a way to wear my dog as a purse. Ah-HA! I shall crochet a way!

But wait, crochet isn't just for lonely spinsters and their pet "children". It's also for the... flamboyant gay couple?

Or...maybe these are brothers who are being forced to pose in these outfits in these poses by their overbearing crochet-obsessed mother? What do you suppose could be the story behind this picture? I mean, really? That's some kooky stuff.

Speaking of kooky...

That is one gaily tasseled warmer! That lady's eyes are still screaming for help even a half century later.

But I'd rather wear that contraption than this one:

Listed on etsy as "crochet scrunch butt bikini bottom"- if you just can't be patient enough to crochet these for yourself because you just need them right THIS SECOND, you can just order them online.

I don't wear bikinis though...I like to keep it classy in a one piece bathing suit.

Blergh.


In conclusion, if you want to stay on the cutting edge of fasion,

Or make your pets hate you

Crochet is the way to go!

Learn to crochet- all the cool kids are doin' it.