Things I really wanna do

Full disclosure- I'm a little crazy. Quirky? Sure. Mentally ill? Probably not much of a stretch. I don't try to hide it. If there was a bumper sticker that said "Ask me about my anxiety meds" I would totally buy it. Because I love those suckers and I know a lot of people who could benefit from them.

Side note: I just googled it, and that bumper sticker does not exist. But this does:

Haaaaa, kinda funny.

Back to my point: I'm crazy. And sometimes I have these weird impulses and compulsive thoughts that are difficult to shake. Some of these are a result of my craziness, but some I believe are a universal human experience.

Without further ado - I present to you, "Weird compulsions I have had to talk myself out of."

1. Driving over traffic cones 

      I started with this because I feel like its the most universal compulsion of all my weird compulsions. Don't tell me that you don't see all those traffic cones lined up for miles on the freeway and picture the satisying "thunk, thunk, thunk" of your car taking them all out. 

2. Knocking over tables

    I have a general urge to throw over a table in a rage, like they always do on tv.

But, more specifically, one time I was at a bead show with my mother in law (she makes pretty beaded bracelets) and the entire time, all I could do was tell myself "Don't do it, Ally. Don't do it." Because the entire convention center was filled with tables covered in teeeny tiny beads. Can you imagine the satisfaction of flipping over those tables and running away? CAN YOU??! 

BEADS WOULD BE FLYING! BEADS EVERYWHERRRE!

3. Driving off a bridge

     Okay, I'm not suicidal. But every time I drive over a bridge, my damaged psyche can't help but imagine what it would be like to just rapidly turn the wheel and accelerate off the bridge. Am I seriously the only person in the world who constantly imagines this? 

You know how in Inception it constantly cutting back to the car falling off the bridge? I legit find that SO SATISFYING.

4. Smashing windows

    I have never broken a window. And I really want to! Preferably with a bat or a hammer.

Tell me you don't want to do it! TELL ME!

Or maybe jumping through a window? Ohhh yeah, that would be sweet. Orrin and I are house hunting right now, and sometimes when I look at a picture of nice house with lots of windows, he will say "Oh, those are nice windows!" And I think, "Yeah, I'd jump through those." But I don't say it. Because, its weird.

5. Knocking over displays

     Especially grocery store displays- where you could just get a running start with your cart and BAM! 

I know this is a commercial but I really find this satisfying...

Just watch those cans falling. And tell me you don't feel good, deep down in your soul.

6. Pushing ALL THE BUTTONS

 Whether it is little animatronic singing Santas at Walgreens, or maybe every single museum display button. You must PUSH THEM.

When I was on a plane with my 4 year old son lately, the pilot let us look in the cockpit. And I thought to myself, "This is not a good place for me." Must...not....push....

7. Throwing a drink in someone's face

       Not in a silly way. In a legitimately angry way. Like..."How DARE you!"

       Going along with this, spitting out a drink in shock.

How many of these do you want to do? Honestly?

I'm gonna go ahead and guess ALL OF THEM. Because you're human.