But here's the thing- how can I put it
nicely? You're wrong. You're wrong, and you're a big old meanie. Moms
like me, we HAVE to overgram, overpost and overshare. It's less of a
choice and more of a brilliant survival tactic. Let me tell you why.
- I have no outside sources of validation
When you work a normal job like a
normal human, you have people giving you feedback on your
performance. People pat you on the back if you do something well.
Heck, maybe you even get a raise. The only direct feedback I got
today was my two year old throwing a chicken nugget at my face
saying, “Not DEEZ chickens! I NOT eat dem!” But if I post a
picture of a kid in a brief moment of cuteness (pre-chicken
incident), it might get some likes. Someone might mercifully comment,
“So cute.” And I will scramble to mentally hoard that seemingly
insignificant feedback as a tiny tally mark in my “you're doing
okay” column. Maybe I just spent all day looking up recipes,
grocery shopping and battling children while cooking simply to
produce a migraine and a meal that my kids won't eat. That's why I
posted a picture of that average-looking casserole on instagram,
fishing for some shreds of validation. Come on, just toss me a “like”
before I start questioning my existence. I don't get a paycheck, and
sometimes all I have to show for a day of nonstop monotonous labor is
the knowledge that I kept my children alive for one more day, and a
few instagram photos.
- I have no grown-up interactions
I won't lie to you, I sang “the
wheels on the bus” a total of 33 times this morning. When I am
tired, I seductively announce to my husband that I'm going to go get
ready for “Nigh-night.” I once exclaimed, “What a good helper
you are!” to a teenage grocery store employee as he loaded
groceries into the car. And I knew the moment I saw his disgusted
expression hiding beneath the feigned politeness- I have crossed over.
Slap some high-waisted mom-jeans on me and call me “ma'am”,
because there's no coming back from this. My brain is a never ending
loop of pinterest crafts, bedtime stories and no-no words (remember
how I used the phrase “big old meanie” earlier?). It's too late
for me- just go on without me. Social media is my daily lifeline to
the outside world. Are there still grown ups out there, or am I
living in an apocalyptic wasteland of tyrannical toddlers covered in
ground-up cheerio dust? Is that the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing
eerily in the background on repeat? Can anyone hear me out there?
Does anyone want to talk about what they ate for lunch or like this
photo of my new shoes? Anyone?
3. I desperately need to push
pause
I once heard someone say, “The days
are long but the years are short”, and I want to tattoo that on
eyelids now. When you are living in a sleep deprived, caffeine-fueled
haze of wiping noses on autopilot, you tend to be focused on
surviving this moment and not a moment more. And then, before you
know it, you are bawling at your kid's 5th birthday party,
scaring the other children with your desperate sobs. Knowing that I
can look back on almost daily pictures of my son eases the pain. It
makes me feel less guilty that I've spent most of his life wishing
for a nap. I want this early motherhood phase to be over as soon as
possible, but I also don't want to miss even one second of it and I
want to relive it over and over. I know that doesn't make sense to
you. Just double tap my instagram photo and go on with your
sane-person life.Babies grow up fast that it feels like
they are slipping through your fingers and dragging your life force
with them. So I take photos. Incessant photos. In stupid outfits and
with stupid props, and then I genuinely believe everyone else will be
as excited to see these photos as I was to take them. I once put my
baby into a slimey, hollowed out pumpkin for a photo, convinced
everyone would be impressed. They weren't. But some friends pretended
to be, and for that they earned a place in my heart forever.
A few times I have been told that
someone unfollowed me because I post too much, and that used to hurt
my feelings. But now I have become hardened and wise and sensitive
and humble in a way that is unique to motherhood. Now, if someone
wants to unfollow me, I say “adios amigo”. Because I know
there are other people out there who care about my sanity enough to
like a picture of my boots standing in crunchy leaves. There are
people who understand my daily boredom and frustration enough to
comment, “he is adorable” on a picture of my toddler son digging
in the dirt with his toy excavator. Some days, instagram is the only
thing that keeps me from being that mom you see on the news who tried
to drive her minivan into a lake. So yeah, I'm not going to
apologize.
Also, my kids are REALLY cute, and I'm
living the dream. I don't want to forget that. And apparently, I
won't let anyone else forget it either.
