Since I'm like, SO introspective, I have been pondering the process of moving. And I have identified what I'm tentatively calling The 9 Stages of Moving...I think it's so accurate I'm probably going to submit it to some Psychology journals to have this mental phenomenon documented.
1. Excitement
Yay I bought some boxes! Yay I packed some boxes! Go me! I am, like, SO productive. I'm going to be so organized and on top of it, this move will be cake
2. Minimalism
Why and HOW do I have so much STUFF? I'm going to get rid of most of this... that old shirt that doesn't fit? Gone. Which escalates to- this item with sentimental value? TRASH. Which escalates to- I don't need a toaster. Only suckers need toasters. See you in hell, Toaster!
3. Desperation
JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND THROW IT ALL IN BOXES
4. Chaos
The stuff is packed. Say goodbyes, and cry over weird things like "I'm never going to walk on this particular spot on this particular driveway in my bare feet ever again. SNIFF." Eat fast food for every meal and wear the same 2 shirts for a week because you can't find your other clothes. Survival mode until you get to the new house.
5. Excitement (part 2)
Yay I made it to the new house! Yay my stuff is here! Go me! I am like, SO productive. I'm going to be so organized and on top of it, unpacking will be cake!
6. Minimalism (part 2)
I have 5000 boxes of stuff and I can't find anything, but all I really need in life is a bed and a TV and a toothbrush. If I could just get those things set up I could be a sane person for the time being
7. Desperation (part 2)
Just tear open boxes and pull stuff out and put it in piles all over the house like a hoarder. Sit on floor among piles of crap and cry. Repeat as needed.
8. Regret
Why did I pack an entire box of mismatched socks? Did I really throw away my toaster?
9. The Vow
"As God as my witness, I will NEVER MOVE AGAIN. I will stay in this house until the paramedics come to remove my cold dead body."
END SCENE
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